Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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