and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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