I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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