so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Randomize
