your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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