I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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