I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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