Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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