then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
