left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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