Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
