well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
