You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
