Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
