it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
