My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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