so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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