I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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