Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
