from now on my penis is your penis
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
