I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
