1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's the barista slut.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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