My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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