Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
