i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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