I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
