you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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