how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
