i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
