I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
