In the future we'll all be gay
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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