Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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