I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
