I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
