I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
