yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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