I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
