if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
