Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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