so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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