You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
