home. puking in laundry basket.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
