You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize