If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
