I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
