I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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