literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
