Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
