My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
