Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
