Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
