I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
