Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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