Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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