I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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