My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
