there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
