Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize