Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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