Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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