you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize