I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
