we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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