So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
