Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
