Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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