Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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