hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
