so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
