Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
